6 Rules to Follow When Dating a Traditional Chinese

In the world that is getting smaller thru technology and the internet, our way of life has changed in leaps and bounds. How we do things, from our everyday tasks to even something as hard as finding a home can all be done with a push of a button. Even how we connect to people is no longer limited to words and we can now easily express ourselves in more ways and to a wider audience with lesser efforts. How we build our relationships are now moving into uncharted territories, leaving behind our more traditional and simple courtship and dating practices.

While the world, in general, is now more accepting of interracial relationships,  there are still many challenges faced by couples who go beyond the norms of their society and date someone of a different race. In a country like China, it is amazing to see how culture and tradition are still interlaced through its modern and fast-paced citizens. Dating a traditional Chinese, or even someone who may not be traditional but may come from a conservatively traditional family might pose challenging. Here are a few tips to help you understand and enjoy your relationship despite the differences you might have:

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1. Understanding your differences

Coming from different backgrounds require more than your love for each other. You need to understand each other’s background and try to work your relationship to reflect your respect for each other. Most western people grew up in cultures that foster independence and free thinking while the more traditional Chinese are taught to value their family and its honor. This can cause conflict as an independent mind might think that tradition might limit his freedom and that of his relationship, or a traditional person might find it uncomfortable to do anything that might have an impact on the family. Learning to compromise and accept each other’s differences can allow both to reach an understanding.

2. Celebrate your similarities

A relationship grows stronger when we see the value of the other person in our life. Despite the differences in your culture, there will always be that special bond that you share with each other. Find the things that are common between you that can help you grow to treasure each other more. Build your relationship on the common things you both like and enjoy.

3. Enjoy a different touch in dating

Your differences are not necessarily bad for your relationships. You can enjoy your dates by incorporating the uniqueness of your backgrounds. This is also a great way to understand and appreciate each other more. You can learn to enjoy each other’s cultures and traditions.

4. Managing expectations

Most Chinese grew up in households that taught them the value of marriage. Their parents usually had arranged marriages and they grew up to value marital stability, and not necessarily romantic relationships. Most of them are pressured to get married almost as much as to get a job. Understanding this, most of them do not get into a relationship if it will not lead to marriage. Intimacy is something that is valued, and unless a relationship is serious, it is not to easily given. Knowing this at the beginning of a relationship is best to avoid unwanted expectations from both sides.

5. Extend the love

As mentioned, family ties are important in China. In fact, most of their traditions involve “saving face” not only for yourself but also for your family. An independent Western person might balk at the idea of him asking his parents in order to date someone. But for a traditional Chinese, this is the norm, and not doing so might embarrass the whole family. Family members also put in a lot into the relationships. It is common for a Chinese man’s family to band together to help their son buy a house for him. So they also expect to have a say in the relationship. For someone coming from an entirely opposite background, it may take a lot to understand this. But if you value the person you love, there is always more love to share around, even to extended family members.

6. Be yourself

While it may be challenging to date and build a relationship with someone who is a whole new world of different from you, it is best to stay true to who you are. The person is attracted to you for who you are, not for what he or she may expect you to be. Your differences might be more glaring than your physical looks, but if you are both true to yourself, your honesty to each other and to your relationship will allow you to enjoy and value what you have between you.

While dating someone from a different race may be quite a challenge, in the end, it will still fall back on you and the person you are dating. It is not some form of a political statement or some kinky fetish. It is really just about two people attracted to each other who are willing to see if they have what it takes to make something last forever.

Author Bio:

Joanne Davidson is a seasoned writer who enjoys creating helpful articles and interesting stories. She has worked with several clients across different industries such as advertising, online marketing, technology, healthcare, family matters, and more. She is also an aspiring entrepreneur who is engaged in assisting other aspiring entrepreneurs helping property owners who encounter problems with the vacancy of their buildings. Check out her company here: http://loweguardians.com/

1 Response

  1. Sam says:

    The problem with the article above is that it assumes all Chinese people come from hard line conservative backgrounds, whereas that is not necessarily the case. I am a red blooded American and I have seriously dated several women in China during my time here, from Hong Kong to Changchun and Shanghai and they are all very different from one another, yet if you ask anyone things are not as they once were in terms of romance and love. A trend started with the previous generation and has taken root that marriage, though it has its merits in estate (what is good for the family), it is completely and utterly founded upon love/attraction and if there is no love then there is no merit to the marriage. What was a question has become part of a generations conviction. In essence this is the modus operandi evolved in terms of current social perspectives of marriage in China. Though the Garden of Matchmakers still exists, its effect is far dimmer than what it used to be. This does not mean there is any disintegration of the traditional Chinese family unit, but within the bounds of finding suitors for single daughters this practice is losing its once strangle hold that it had and likely will never recover from this change in the younger social perspective of how one defines a successful match.

    Spend more than 10 days in Beijing or take a couple months in Chengdu and you’ll understand what I am talking about. This trend I believe has it’s founding principle in Japan and has more to do with their study of Western culture and how the West defines successful marriages.

    Keep traveling,


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